Obviously we weren’t going to get very far on this list without the “C” word. “Healthy communication is open-handed, open-hearted, non-blaming, non-defensive, and curious,” says Schwartz.
Lesbians typically love to process our feelings — put that skill to good use by expressing yourself. Sometimes, this looks like, “Babe, when you go to Trader Joe’s without me, I feel abandoned,” or, “You seem a little agitated today. How are you feeling?” or even, “No, baby, I meant it as a compliment that you’re the Jenny of the friend group if we were The L Word!”
No one is born knowing how to perfectly communicate, and it’s totally OK to turn to outside resources to help. There’s no shame in wanting to up your game. Try reading Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships by Stella Harris, an intimacy coach and writer for Elite Daily.
In addition to communicating your own complicated feelings, it’s equally as important to listen to your girlfriend. “Be a good listener,” says Jordana Michelle, a lesbian love coach and the founder of WomenLovingWomen.com. “It feels good when someone truly knows us and hears us when we speak. Be curious, ask questions and learn as much as you can about your partner’s thoughts, perspectives, and history.” The more you know, the more you can be a supportive partner.