- I’m Julia Naftulin, and I write Insider’s sex and relationships advice column Doing It Right.
- I learned eight major lessons when I interviewed experts for this year’s columns.
- Have a question for me? Fill out this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously. You can read more Doing It Right here.
Three years ago, I started Doing It Right, Insider’s first-ever column dedicated to giving sex, dating, and relationship advice, with the hopes of giving readers judgment-free and expert-backed tips.
Since then, I’ve conducted nearly 100 interviews with therapists, trauma specialists, and sex experts and written personalized advice in 120 columns. This year, when I sat down to journal about my own 2022 experiences, I realized how many expert-given lessons I picked up while helping readers work through their own obstacles.
When one reader was distressed about their wife’s shopping habits, I learned the importance of focusing on what you can control, rather than fixating on the motivations and actions of others. When another reader said they feared they were in the wrong relationship — not because they were unloved, but because they missed the feeling of freedom — I learned how being honest and transparent about your feelings, even the difficult ones, can allow you to see what you really need.
And in mulling over all of these readers’ messages, I was reminded of the transformative power of vulnerability. When we’re vulnerable as these readers have been, we can seek help, connect, learn, and grow.
Here are eight lessons about love, sex, marriage, and personal boundaries I was reminded of while writing Doing It Right this year.